For all the paths not taken ...

We can look behind us and say yes there is the moment where I made my greatest mistake, I should have taken good advice or done something differently. It splays across our vision at the final hours. I wasn't looking back when I made this decision, I was looking forward to a time when an opportunity for choices might improve. I've always been a dreamer that way, an idealist to believe in all the better things that could be.

I held no fear when the dagger traced across my throat, I was quite ready to scream and bring the entire force of warriors down on this measly hand full of rogues. It was only as the edge scraped down my leathers and came to rest at my belly that I silenced. How could he know what even my mate did not? I stilled long enough for there to be understanding. So subtle the movement of my lips against the fingers that held them shut that I wondered if he would mistake them. When they eased away cautiously and the point of the dagger indented the flesh beneath, I whispered through the cracks of emotion, "I will show him where the key is," Betrayal of one I loved dearly for the love of one I treasured greatest. "But he will never know if that blade sinks any farther"

My own patterns of existence would mean days before anyone would begin looking for me. Patterns of others would believe they were at last rid of me. The very thought of how my beloved mate's heart would break had to be shoved aside. I could not think of anything or anyone except right this moment and the future. If I could barter my survival, perhaps I could save one more. If destiny had one shred of decency, there would be two. The taste of rep forced between my teeth made my head reel. Please, I prayed to whoever and whatever woud listen, please do not let the waves of nausea be my undoing now. I focused instead on the pain of my wrists where the leather bit deep and held them together tight. The thrust up into the saddle could have been kinder and gentler but then it could have been far worse. It did give me one last view of my beloved plains as a hand slapped the flank of my beast. The wind of the ride would dry the streak of tears even as they fell and darkness shrouded the flight of five riders crossing the tundra.